living

my new friend: "doesn't writing for the web take time away from your own work?"
me: "your girlfriend ain't cheap."

when the sun shines we'll shine together

1)edit: that was a giant picture of me staring at a candle. i took it down. it was just weird.

2)i like rihanna

3) 'chronic city' is making me cry

4) i found a new place to look at the george washington bridge from. i should cross it sometime. go to jersey. look around at jersey and then go home.

5) i love you

amy

it's 7 in the morning

Dear friends,

i'm awake and piecing together last night. cried when i talked to my teacher. read a really funny review of tao lin. talked to some friends. drank with some friends. called a bunch more friends for no reason. line-edited my little sister's essay. ate a lot of vegan dumplings and was underwhelmed by a literary magazine on the way home.

in the morning i had a Harlem adventure which ended up with me going all the way down to the Hudson and getting lost. it was a beautiful day to get lost and i left the house with lots of time to spare, so, i can't complain.

leaving new york will be strange. unless i get a job (what, do you have one?) i am going somewhere. i don't know where though. massachusetts i hope.

love
amy

borderline much?

Friends,

September 11 has come and gone. i hope there is a beautiful afterlife for everyone who deserves it, who believes in grace.

Two years ago today i sat on the Brooklyn Borough Hall steps and watched the book festival go by and smoked a cigarette (my last until this weekend) and cried with something between loneliness and expectation, and then my brother called and said David Foster Wallace, who basically told me not to kill myself, had killed himself. Today i sat on the Brooklyn Borough Hall steps and watched the book festival go by, and cried because i miss the past and i'm frightened of the future, and DFW is still dead.

And my frontal lobe is working, so i am able to moderate panic and control my(still inexplicable) rage - directed at the wrong things! not at starvation and selfish politics and imprisonments of conscience and the disappearing environment, but at my silly grief and loneliness and laziness and the fact that it's so mother$^)(ing hot or it's raining or i am just tired of spending all this money to live in this heartless city with so many memories in it.

right now i am living vicariously through my little sister, who is at university and doing so well. seriously. i stay alive for that kid.

love,
amy

it's been too long

Dear friends,
i have intermittent, unreliable internet now. it sucks. :(

the good news is...i am not in the hospital. i went to the hospital today and remembered how very, very, very fortunate and glad i am to not be there. and if i do have to go (back), it'll be okay and i'll write some stuff and it'll be fine - but when everything for the past few months has been getting worse instead of better, it is nice to let myself be thankful.

the bad news is, still, intermittent internet.

oh man.

fuck you, life. fuck you sometimes.

love
amy

adulthood ?

Dear friends,
i had a fever today and a pretty bad cold. and no appetite. in a former life i would have sucked it the $^(* up and gone to class, and probably gone to work. i have been to work much sicker than this. instead i slept for about ten hours and watched a bunch of DVDs. i'll probably do the exact same thing tomorrow.

working from home is nice and not-nice at the same time.

love,
amy

Dear friends,

Thanks for your concern. i slept for soooooooooo long. wow.

but i feel a little better.

love from CYE: "I bumped into Bernie Madoff on the street one day and he was wearing a quilted jacket with the collar up. So the next day, I went in and pulled all my money out."

xoxoox
amy