i have intermittent, unreliable internet now. it sucks. :(
the good news is...i am not in the hospital. i went to the hospital today and remembered how very, very, very fortunate and glad i am to not be there. and if i do have to go (back), it'll be okay and i'll write some stuff and it'll be fine - but when everything for the past few months has been getting worse instead of better, it is nice to let myself be thankful.
the bad news is, still, intermittent internet.
fuck you, life. fuck you sometimes.