Friday, October 22, 2010

the sun fled for the evening and so too shall i

Dear friends,

my internet activity disturbs me. it's not conventionally disturbing. in terms of content it's fairly innocuous. i don't even want to tell you all the sites i've never visited.

more disturbing as a window into my mind and a window into my time spent. Francis Chan: "How we live our days is how we live our lives."

evidently i live my life on quirky indie media and following current/past unrequited loves and flight of the conchords videos.

unrelated maybe: i think we are trying the 'kitchen sink' plan with my meds because they just upped my dosage again. also in january i have to go to st. luke's. i don't mind telling you that i am scared. i'm not dying (though i kind of felt like i was last night) but i am feeling my mortality very very keenly, these days.

i prefer that to dullness, though.

for real. i think i'd rather have tomorrow be the last day of my life than have all the subsequent days be stupid and boring and unrelenting in their misery and not have anything redeeming in them. (or even just enough redeeming things to cause pain.)

that was a strange thing to say on the internet.

No comments:

Post a Comment