Thursday, May 27, 2010

Unsent Letters day

Dear guy at Western Union,
Thank you for not letting me get scammed. You saved me a world of madness. phew.

Dear every nice doctor or shrink i have ever had,
Thanks for saving my life. i really hope i can make it worth your while. i am trying. If i have ever frustrated you by my treatment resistance, my sarcasm, or my tardiness, i apologize.

Dear Michael at the bookstore,
i am so, so sorry about Saturday night. So sorry. Can we be friends? Or do you have enough friends?

Dear old landlords in Yonkers,
You were great people and i never told you that. That among other reasons is why i'm letting you keep my whole deposit. It's a mitzvah.

Dear trumpeter in the 181st street A train station,
Where have you been? Please come back.

Dear Nick Drake, Elliott Smith, John Berryman,
You've made my life so much more bearable. Berryman, you were right; life is boring. We must not say so. i'm bored out of my mind.

Dear Bethany,
i still have your Eeyore by my pillow. i think he was the best Pooh character. Did you know somebody wrote a sequel to the Hundred Acre Wood books? And not a very good one? i have a lot to talk to you about, actually, so i'll write at more length later. i love you.

Dear David Simon, David Shore and Larry David,
Guys with "David" in their name make my favorite TV.

Dear Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant,
You too. As small children say, you make me smile when i am sad. Also, whatever genius came up with Dwight Schrute. And Toby.

Dear Mr. Bornstein,
Sometimes i think i might like to catch up with you. What was your deal anyway? That was a weird fifth grade, but a good one.

Dear Tim Gunn,
You are a national treasure. Can i give you a hug?

Dear lady who was nice to me at the airport when i was crying so hard i couldn't even talk,

Dear John Darnielle,
You are a national treasure and i already gave you a hug. Thank you for making life easier.

Dear 2-313,
Here's a big hug for you guys: (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))

Dear Fall semester Intro to Creative Writing class,
i didn't deserve you guys. Go make me proud.

Dear Karen Russell,
Can we be friends? You're so cool.

Dear William Styron,
i would kind of like to talk to you right now.

Dear Katie at,
You are one of my heroes.

Dear Jonathan Franzen,
Your DFW elegy made me cry. Also, guys named Jonathan write great books.

Dear David Foster Wallace,
Thanks for writing me back and i'm sorry i never answered. You helped buy me four incredible years. Of course you are one of my heroes too and i wish we could sit on your porch and talk or something. i'd bring you some pineapple from Washington Heights. (Or mango.) Unfortunately i can't say a lot here. i love you though.


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