Friday, May 21, 2010

we're not terrific but we're competent

Dear friends,

The refrain from Belle & Sebastian's 'This is just a modern rock song' keeps coming up on my ipod and making me cry.

i'm actually unbelievably glad my ipod works again. i'll take all the small mercies i can get right now.

My dream last night was that i had taken a giant watermelon-shaped grapefruit (maybe half as tall as i am) and cut part of it out to eat it, and then left the rest in a giant blue tub by my bed. i woke up and thought "was i *that* far gone last night?" and then i woke up for real. But friends, i cannot tell you how sad this grapefruit made me. i haven't cried in my dreams in years but something just came loose.

i was sitting by the Hudson River today, looking at bikers and joggers and Jersey, and blue-gray water (i love living near water). And i thought, i wish there was a sort of surgery someone could perform that took away my ability to love people. So i wouldn't get close to them, or miss them, or need them, or hurt. Some head injury that would make me a sociopath. i don't know.

Sounds like it could be a cool episode of _House_, too.


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